譯文
最近一周以來(lái),金星上都快要沸騰了,巨大的興奮散發(fā)在空氣里,四處都可以嗅到激動(dòng)的氣味。這一切都只是因?yàn)榻鹦巧夏菐涂茖W(xué)家成功地在那顆名叫地球的行星上安置了一枚衛(wèi)星。這畢竟是第一次,更重要的,這枚衛(wèi)星已經(jīng)從地球上送回了信號(hào)和照片。這枚衛(wèi)星降落在地球上一個(gè)被冠名為“曼哈頓”的地區(qū)。這名字是為了紀(jì)念偉大的金星天文學(xué)家曼哈頓教授。正是他于兩萬(wàn)年前首次用望遠(yuǎn)鏡發(fā)現(xiàn)了這個(gè)地方。
②這幾天來(lái),研究工作一直在緊張地進(jìn)行著,由于良好的天氣狀況和非常強(qiáng)烈的信號(hào),科學(xué)家們已通過(guò)獲取的信息對(duì)地球上著陸載人飛行物的可行性做出了合理的分析。為了向公眾通報(bào)這些研究結(jié)果,科學(xué)家們決定在金星技術(shù)中心召開(kāi)新聞發(fā)布會(huì)。
③會(huì)議當(dāng)天,會(huì)場(chǎng)氣氛異常熱烈,到處人頭攢動(dòng)。記者們?yōu)闋?zhēng)奪有利的位置都快打架了。正在此時(shí),研究小組負(fù)責(zé)人佐格教授突然出現(xiàn)在主席臺(tái)上。頓時(shí),臺(tái)下的注意力全被他吸引住了,安靜了不少。佐格教授將視力輔助器上的旋鈕調(diào)動(dòng)了一下。這是他說(shuō)話前的習(xí)慣動(dòng)作,就像有的人說(shuō)話前先要清清嗓子一樣。他又將旋鈕調(diào)動(dòng)了一下,開(kāi)口說(shuō)道:“女士們,先生們,在你們提問(wèn)前,我要先告知你們一件事。那就是,通過(guò)我們的研究發(fā)現(xiàn),地球上絲毫沒(méi)有生命的跡象?!?/p>
④這句話剛出口,臺(tái)下立刻騷動(dòng)了起來(lái)。一名“金星晚報(bào)”的自然專(zhuān)欄記者激動(dòng)地站起來(lái),向佐格教授發(fā)問(wèn)道:“教授先生,您是怎樣得出這個(gè)結(jié)論的呢?”
⑤“首先,”佐格教授又調(diào)動(dòng)了一下視力輔助器上的旋鈕,似乎他是用眼睛說(shuō)話,“地球的表面──至少在曼哈頓地區(qū)──是由堅(jiān)固的水泥構(gòu)成,這種土質(zhì)是無(wú)法生長(zhǎng)植物的。其次,我們發(fā)現(xiàn),地球的大氣中充滿了諸如一氧化碳之類(lèi)的致命氣體,我想沒(méi)有生命能在這種空氣里幸存吧。”
⑥“那么這對(duì)我們的飛碟計(jì)劃意味著什么呢?”另一名記者問(wèn)道。
⑦“我們將不得不攜帶氧氣,這將令飛碟重量比計(jì)劃中增加不少?!?/p>
⑧他話音未落,又一名記者迫不及待地向他發(fā)問(wèn):“除了你剛才所說(shuō)的外,你們?cè)谘芯恐羞€發(fā)現(xiàn)了什么危險(xiǎn)嗎?”
⑨佐格教授微微一笑,按下顯示鈕,一幅激光全息影像展現(xiàn)在大家眼前:“請(qǐng)看這里,你看到這片環(huán)繞地球上空的黑云了嗎?我們稱(chēng)呼它‘愛(ài)迪生聯(lián)合帶’①,我們不清楚它的構(gòu)成,但它很可能給我們帶來(lái)許多麻煩。所以在我們把第一個(gè)金星生物送到那里之前,我們將會(huì)作進(jìn)一步的研究?!?/p>
⑩“請(qǐng)注意這看起來(lái)像河的區(qū)域,衛(wèi)星發(fā)回的資料顯示,它已經(jīng)被嚴(yán)重污染了,而且里面的水完全不適宜飲用。這意味我們須攜帶飲用水,這又大大增加了飛行器重量?!?/p>
⑾這時(shí),一位記者打斷他,問(wèn)道:“對(duì)不起,教授,請(qǐng)問(wèn)照片上這些黑色微粒是些什么東西?”
⑿“關(guān)于這點(diǎn)我們還不能確定,它們看起來(lái)像是一些沿著固定路線移動(dòng)的金屬微粒,它們放出氣體,發(fā)出噪音并且不斷地互相沖撞。鑒于如此多的路線和金屬微粒,簡(jiǎn)直不可能避免在飛船降落時(shí)撞上一個(gè)兩個(gè)。”
⒀“那么這些石筍般挺立著的又是什么東西呢?”
⒁“這些是某種夜晚能發(fā)光的花崗巖形成物,格拉姆教授管它們叫‘摩天者’,因?yàn)樗鼈兛雌饋?lái)像要觸到天空似的?!?/p>
⒂“佐格教授,如果這些都是事實(shí),那么飛碟計(jì)劃不是會(huì)被迫延遲嗎?”
⒃“是的,不過(guò)一旦‘格拉布貸款基金會(huì)’②追加投資,我們將立刻繼續(xù)研究。”
⒄“可是,教授,難道我們要花費(fèi)數(shù)以?xún)|計(jì)的zilch③只是為了在一個(gè)沒(méi)有人的地球上降落飛船嗎?”
⒅“因?yàn)橹灰覀兘鹦侨四軌驅(qū)W會(huì)在地球上存活,那我們就能在任何地方生存了!”
作品注釋
①〔愛(ài)迪生聯(lián)合帶〕愛(ài)迪生聯(lián)合公司是美國(guó)一家大型電力公司,它制造了大量煙塵污染。
②〔“格拉布貸款基金會(huì)”〕英語(yǔ)中有一個(gè)詞“grubstake”,意思是貸款給探礦者或興辦企業(yè)的人以求獲得其收益的一部分。作者這里把它轉(zhuǎn)換成一個(gè)專(zhuān)有名詞,指一個(gè)假定的為科學(xué)研究提供資金的機(jī)構(gòu)。
③〔zilch〕虛構(gòu)的金星貨幣。zilch在英語(yǔ)中是空無(wú)一物的意思。
作者簡(jiǎn)介
阿特·布奇沃德,1925年出生,美國(guó)《華盛頓郵報(bào)》著名的幽默專(zhuān)欄作家。
英文原文
IS THERE LIFE ON EARTH
There was great excitement on the planet of Venus this week.For the first time Venusian scientists managed to land a satellite on the planet Earth, and it has been sending back signals as well as photographs ever since.
The satellite was directed into an area known as Manhattan(named after the great Venusian astronomer Prof.Manhattan, who first discovered it with his telescope 20000 light years ago).
Because of excellent weather conditions and extremely strong signals, Venusian scientists were able to get valuable information as to the feasibility(可行性)of a manned flying saucer landing on Earth.A press conference was held at the Venus Institute of Technology.
“We have come to the conclusion, based on last week’s satellite landing, ”P(pán)ro.Zog said, “that there is no life on the Earth.”
“How do you know this?” the science reporter of the Venus Evening Star asked.
“For one thing, Earth’s surface in the area of Manhattan is composed of solid concrete(混凝土)and nothing can grow there.For another, the atmosphere is filled with carbon monoxide(一氧化碳)and other deadly gases and nobody could possibly breathe this air and survive.”
“What does this mean as far as our flying saucer program is concerned?”
“We shall have to take our own oxygen with us, which means a much heavier flying saucer than we originally planned.”
“Are there any other hazards that you discovered in your studies?”
“Take a look at this photo.You see this ?dark black cloud? hovering over the surface of Earth? We call this the Consolidated Edison Belt.We don’t know what it is made of, but it could give us a lot of trouble and we shall have to make further tests before we send a Venus Being there.”
“If what you say is true, won’t this set back the flying saucer program several years?”
“Yes, but we shall proceed as soon as the Grubstart gives us the added funds.”
“Prof.Zog, why are we spending billions and billions of zilches to land a flying saucer on Earth when there is no life there?”
“Because if we Venusians can learn to breathe in an Earth atmosphere, then we can live anywhere.”